Comments
by Frank Tauk.
It's
your worst nightmare...
You
MUST use the restroom. But you're in a strange area, and don't see
any promising restaurants or stores around. Suddenly, you see a porta-potty.
You know, one of those foul-smelling plastic deathtraps construction workers
take craps in. But you're desperate, so in you go. Ahhh, that's
more like it...plop...hey! Your keys just fell in the poop!
So what do you do?
-
A: Get
on the cellphone to the company that owns this outhouse?
-
B: Take
off your shoes and pants and slosh around for them?
If you
chose A, please skip ahead to the next item...otherwise you'll have trouble
understanding why a man in Huntingdon Valley, Pennsylvania had to be rescued
from a fate worse than death. He was more than a little amusing to
look at, stuck chest deep in an oozing reminder that he was somewhat less
than intelligent, with the toliet seat wedged around his waste...I mean
waist.
As
part of my misspent youth, I seem to remember a cartoon in Playboy,
or Hustler, or High Society, or... well, it doesn't matter. Anyway,
it shows a man about to board an airplane giving a big what-up to his friend,
"Hi Jack!" The next frame shows the man under arrest. Well,
it really did happen at a suburban Detroit airport. A microphone
was open when someone uttered the fateful words to "Jack", a co-pilot aboard
a corporate jet. The tower called the cops, who called in a whole
extra shift of cops, the Sheriff's Department SWAT Team, the FBI and God
only knows who else. The plane had to return to the tower where they
checked the pilot's ID. This is one aviation problem that has a simple
solution. Just don't hire guys named Jack.
It
was just like a movie...it's almost the end of the school year, and
a big prank is being planned. In Montvale, New Jersey, Seniors at
Pascack Hills High were all set to simultaneously throw thousands of rubber
nerf balls into the hallway...when suddenly someone set loose dozens of
rats and mice, and thousands of crickets! Imagine what happened next:
everyone starts screaming, running around like mad, squishing the bugs
and falling all over each other. Then the crowd hears that the principal,
Manuel Ferreira, is questioning one of the students in his office,
So a bunch of them gathered in the lobby demanding her release. Then
it got even louder, as someone pulled the fire alarm, sending all 600 students
outside, and the principal to the floor. Ferreira had collapsed with
what looked like a heart attack, but later turned out to be a blocked artery.
He's been treated abd released, and is is now recouperating.
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