YES, IT'S ME
(but you still have the wrong number)

Scoper

Now, I don't know what happened the other Tuesday, and probably never will, but that particular Tuesday was certainly a special day for my telephone and me.  

I've gotten used to receiving one, or two, very occasionally three telephone solicitations within any given 7-day period.  Credit card offers, time-share condos, discount long-distance services, support Native American police officer's widows' starving cats, whatever.  But this Tuesday was Super Tuesday.  (In fact, it WAS Super Tuesday for Bush and Gore.  Coincidence, I'm sure.)  

For years, I've been used to a slight upsurge in these annoying sales-calls when the new phone book comes out.  But where I live, that happens in August, not March.   Maybe it was just luck of the draw, but on Super Tuesday, the phone rang 7 times in a 5-hour period, each with a fabulous offer that would change my life.  Finally, I looked up my own number in the book.  No, the word "sucker" was not printed there.

But collectively, these telephone bastar…er…marketers…caused me to think about their profession, and why it not only doesn't go away as people get more pis…annoyed, the number and frequency of calls actually increase.  

Auto-dialers probably have something to do with this.  The telemarketer doesn't have to do anything until he gets an answer.  I used to think I had a clever way of heading off these machines.  You've probably noticed that when one calls your number, you're sitting there like an idiot going "hello? Hello!" several times before you hear a live voice.  But hanging up on the silent line won't help you: it's already been logged that someone answered at that particular number.  They will call back, and will keep calling back until you tell the live person where to put his auto-dialer.
Simple hang-ups will not stop them; they've got nothing to lose by trying again. 

I'll concede that a few phone solicitors are not selling anything, and are not asking for money.  These people are taking "surveys," about one thing or another, but trust me, friend, if you interrupt your life to help them out, your name will be put into yet another database, guaranteeing you yet another round of calls you don't want.  Your opinions, you see, reveal things about your lifestyle, and that's a marketable commodity.  

Even if that weren't the case, I'd have copped an attitude on this basis alone: My time has a cash value, if only to me.  Are you going to compensate me for my time, Mr. Survey Man?  I don't have to tell you the answer. 

For years, I was pleasant to these people.  For years after that, I was at least civil.  Finally, I realized that they depend on your good nature to separate you from your cash. 

Actually, that wasn't what triggered my current approach.  The epiphany came when I saw a news report about a 20-dollar gizmo that plugs into your phone line.  When a telemarketer calls, push the button on the little box and an electronic voice (who sounds like the "Speak 'n' Spell guy from the 80' s) says something to the effect of: 

"This number does not accept these calls.  Please remove this number from your list."

Thinks I:  "Hey, I could say that myself and save the 20 bucks!"  Simply put, I did, and I do.  It's by far my best defense.  (In case you were wondering, yes, I do have caller ID, but I can't always reject the "unavailable" calls out of hand, because I may be expecting a callback from someone with a number that rings up that way.  C'est la vie.)

But the "I do not accept these calls," (click) technique works so well, and is so darned empowering, that I just had to write to tell you about it.  I don't even have time to get into the hundreds of telemarketing "scams" that will bleed you dry if you're not careful.  The Better Business Bureau has a ton of information on these.  I encourage you to take a look at www.bbb.org. 

Meantime, it's your phone, your life, and not my place to judge.  You may actually enjoy talking to these people.  If so, more power to you.  Personally, I've never been that lonely, and I'm only too happy to get them off my phone so they can call yours. 
You're welcome.