Comments
by Delphi..
How to Grow Up in a Hurry
I have this friend. I've
known her for some years now, and while I am probably not terribly close
to her, I have been privy to some of the more significant events in her
life. Some of this was accidental; she and her mother used to live in the
apartment above me, and whatever else can be said of them, they're not
shy about letting their feelings be known.
She was fourteen when I met
her. She had that breezy, easy assumption of absolutes that teenagers often
have, and at the same time, she regarded every emotional question and journey
as paramount to her daily existence. That too is characteristic of teenagers.
Everything is so! very! important!
I like her a great deal,
even when she drives me crazy. I like her even when I think she makes poor
decisions about who to spend her time with and who to commit herself to.
I think I like her partly because she is so different from the kind of
teenager I was, and I like her partly because I see myself in her, a smart
kid caught in circumstances and relationships that are both suffocating
and far beyond her.
Not too long ago, she had
a baby. A sweet baby, who grunted and rootled and smiled his toothless
personal smile. A baby who was taken away from a mother not yet ready for
parenthood and a father whose contributions to his son's life ranged from
apathy to active dislike. Losing immediate access to this baby, as you
might hope, was quite a wake-up call to this friend of mine. Probably for
the first time in her life she is stable and has her own place and a job
that
she goes to and a life with
some semblance of order to it. Originally the purpose of all this stability
was to regain her son.
But an amazing thing has
happened, as often does with these kinds of calls. She's learned
a degree of self-awareness that was missing before, and she's learned that
love is a condition which demands things we often did not consider in the
beginning of the adventure. And so she has begun to put together this growth
she has done and this love that she feels, begun to be realistic and honest
about who she is now and what kind of life she wants for her son. She has
decided to let her son be adopted.
I cried when I learned this.
Not because I think it's a terrible thing for a
mother to give up her child.
On the contrary, I cried because I am enormously proud of her and how she
has grown. I am awed at the strength of character she has developed, to
be able to say, "I want what is best for him, and I want what is best for
me, and that means giving him up."
When I first met her, I told
her that her biggest disadvantage was her youth, but she would grow out
of it. She's still young, of course, but what a terrific job she's doing
growing up.
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