Homo Erectus
By
Java Mann

I don't choose to announce to the world that I'm gay. It's relevant to this column, but it's irrelevant most of the time. But I wish I had a way to let all those wonderful people who constantly fill my e-mail box with ads for cyber porn know. 
Yes Cindy, I'm glad you just turned 18 and got a new web cam, and thanks for the kind offer Vanessa, but I'm really not interested. Do you have a brother? Perhaps if I get a new e-mail address, something like afag@gaymale.com they would get the idea, but I doubt it.
I'm not a prude and I take no offence at porn (hey, I own a computer don't I?), but a silicone enhanced bleached blond going at it with a foot long marital aid is not my idea of a wet 'n wild time. 
I know for a fact that the majority of men are breeders, and that most porn is produced for their entertainment. I also know that most of the cyber porn distributors use computers to snag e-mail addresses from News Group postings, and that bulk mailings are cheap and easy in the computer age. I also have a degree in Marketing, and have heard of a thing called Target Marketing, so I'll share the following with all you would be cyber Hugh Hefners: Very few gay men are interested in seeing, never mind paying to see naked women.  I know this comes as a shock, but hey, sometimes the truth hurts.
I'm actually very curious how these people get my e-mail address. I post occasionally to the alt.politics.homosexuality newsgroup, hardly breeders hang out, and yet ads for cyber pussy abound. It makes me wonder, are these guys secretly working for the religious right, hoping to convert a few politically active fags? "Once they see what they're missing they'll come around!" God does move in mysterious ways. Or are they thinking, "Hey, an untapped market. I'll bet they haven't even seen this sh*t before!" 
Well, news flash folks… I like women. Many of my best friends are women. I've even seen women naked.  I just don't like them in that way… been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. 
In conclusion, if you're reading this and if by chance you do publish cyber porn, please leave me alone. And Vanessa, give your brother my number…