I have had the hardest time trying to write an article. I know I am way behind and everything that I write just doesn’t feel right. The biggest reason is that I am going through a difficult time. Summer and I are not on speaking terms because I have said things and behaved in a very horrific manner. I am not going to give details because they are not important. When it comes down to it it’s not what we say that hurts someone but that we hurt someone.

At this time I cannot predict what the outcome may be. Sometimes it’s not so easy to patch things up when the words spoken have been so hurtful. I know that if we do not patch things up I have lost not just a lover but a best friend. I have to deal with that. 

Since we aren’t speaking, though, I have had a lot of time to think about relationships. I have thought of past ones and of the relationships others have and have had. There is no miracle cure or any perfect relationship. Despite what I have ever said,  my relationship with Summer has not been perfect. There have been problems, more so as of late than ever, but we have always persevered and continued on. 

But I wouldn’t change any of it for the world, except that maybe I would be more compassionate. The fact is that I still believe in us and the ideals and the love that we share. We all think that when we find the perfect person that things will be easy and we will never fight and never have disagreements and that it will just flow and be great. It’s not like that at all. Relationships take work. And even the most diligent person cannot always make it work. 

People are all different. We all have our likes and dislikes and no two people will have exactly the same preferences. But we manage to get along, not despite that, but because of it. 

It’s hard during the holidays. There is always a mountain of stress to deal with in this fast paced culture we have made for ourselves but somehow it all seems to land during the holiday season. There are echoing pains of Christmas past to deal with as much as there are present concerns to tackle. Communication is not always easy to keep up because of all the running here and there we have to do. 

That’s when we really have to work the most. We all get in this drive that we have to get everybody all these wonderful gifts and many of us are not sure where the money is going to come from and then the car breaks down and there goes more money the rent is late and it all gets so overwhelming that we need time to just think but we never seem to get it. We forget that Christmas is so much more than that and spending time with those we love is much more important than the latest Tommy jacket. 

Not just time with those special loved ones but time with all our friends. It’s not a time to selfishly ask others to give that up because we want time with them. It’s not a time to get angry and lash out at the people we love because we are having other problems. But that’s what happens. 

We get so me-centered that we forget others have problems too and that they have other needs and they just sometimes need a break from it all. They need a distraction and if that's not you, then you are just another problem to deal with. In a relationship we all need to understand each other more. That’s why we get involved with other people in the first place, to find someone to understand us and be there for us. 

Sometimes these relationships last and we develop a special friendship and sometimes they are fleeting and we are left with only the memory. Either way we should come out ahead. Sadly most of the time we don’t. We get hurt and we get angry and we forget how much we love the person in front of us. Like I said it takes work. 

It takes work to relax. That is a sad statement to make but in this culture it is unfortunately true. I wish that I could give a better formula than that. I wish I could say that it doesn’t take work and that all the fairytales are true and one day we will all live happily ever after. But I am not naive enough to believe that. 

In my present state I know more than ever how much work it takes and how truly important that work is. You never know when you might lose a loved one, whether it is to death or to a misspoken hateful word. They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Well, I think you never get a second chance to make any impression because the impression that you make the first time is just as important as the next and the next. 

We get complacent once we're in a relationship. We expect things from them that we don’t expect from others. We want things and we think that the other person can read our minds because they love me and well they should just know. Love doesn’t grant you mindreading abilities. 

Love is something that is shared between all people. We often narrow it down to a few because we can’t imagine that we can share something like that. But love is not selfish. It doesn’t care whether it exists between only two or if it is between many so long as it is allowed to exist. We forget that and we act like our partner should be there more for us because we fail to see that they too have needs and that if we help each other out that it will all be good in the end. 

So that is where I am now. A little worn down by all the pain and hurt that I have caused myself and that I have caused others but hopefully a little more wise. I don’t know what Summer will decide in the end. It’s really her decision. I am not sure I would take me back after all I have done. I would like to see us get past this but I understand if we can’t. Only time will tell. I will miss her. She is my best friend. But I want her to be happy. 

I want all of what is best for her and that may mean that we have to take our separate paths. I have known that eventually we would. Nothing can last forever. Sometimes it’s twenty years and sometimes it’s only one. But Freddie said it best when he said that, “Just one year of love is better than a lifetime alone.” I have had a better past year that I may ever have again. I have shared it with someone that was special that has helped me grow and see the beauty in other people as well. 

I have made some strong friendships and have grown more into what I want to be like. Not in all ways but in a lot of ways. I hate that things might end on such a bad note. I hate that the New Year may be rung in with still so much pain. But I would hate it even more if that pain was carried away as the last memory we have of each other. 

Summer, I want you to always remember how important you are to me. I know I haven’t shown it lately, but you are. You are one of the most wonderful lights that I have ever had the pleasure to spend time with. You are beautiful and caring and other people’s feelings mean a lot to you. I have met so many callous and shallow people that sometimes I have thought that I would never find someone that was worthy to be called a human being. I think in many ways you are superhuman. 

You are better than human. Not because you are so foooking bloody perfect, as I tell you you are, but because you are not perfect. You have faults like everyone else. You are inhuman because you don’t let those imperfections make you less. Every imperfection you have ever had, though I haven’t ever told you, I have cherished. I have cherished it because I see how you overcome it and become a better person. 

Know that I will always love you. And to my readers, take time out and let that person that you love so much know how important they are. We live so little time on this planet that we really have no time for fighting with those that we love. We have no time for being petty and spiteful. We can’t forget that. We can’t afford to let them forget that. 

We think that we are invincible and that we will live forever but we aren’t and we don’t. Don’t just take my word for it, try it out. Try it out every day because every day counts. Every day we let a moment slip by we miss an opportunity that might not be there tomorrow. So as you're beginning this New Year, try to remember what is really important in your life. Have a good time and be safe. I want to be able to read all your email the next day. 
I can’t do that if you're not with us. 

the_Satyr