STRANGE BEDFELLOW
by L.O. Quince

"Start bailin' boys the ship's about to sink!"

So went the battle cry from Republicrats Bill "I Got
My Butt Kicked From Sea to Shining Sea" Bradley and
John "If I Control My Temper One More Second I'll
Explode" McCain.  

Bradley took the high road and called it quits today
in the presidential race.  He will keep the delegates
he's amassed [note: pandering to Catholics is a
Democrat tradition] and use them to get...well, just
what can you get with a handful of
supporters...SUPPORT! "I can smell the Ben-Gay [note:
pandering to the gaylesbianbitranscrossdressing lobby
is a Democrat tradition] now.  "It reminds me of my
days with the Knicks", said Bradley as he held the
supporters aloft.  "I'm nuts about 'em".  He was, of
course, refering to Al Gore and hopeful First Lady Gal
Gore who has been looking more and more like Monica
Lewinsky after investing in Clorox. 

McCain, on the other hand [note: he had a wart],
merely "suspended" his campaign.  Yeah, like a guy
hanging by a thread over a pit full of Texas rattlers
wearing "DubYa" buttons.  McCain [rhymes with "vein"
popping out on my neck] is not out, and he's not in.
He's suffering from severe campanignus interupptus. 
This fits well with his yesIam/noI'mnot style in the
Senate and his campaign cul-de-sac.

So the question is now, Who Wants to Marry a
Vice-President?  Gore would probably be best off by
asking Bradley as their "debates" have been more like
"me-too" competitions.  It would also give them a link
to both the Khristian South (Gore being a Suthrin
Baptist) and the Eastern Conference of the NBA
(National Billianaires Association).  But Al might
look to Andrew Cuomo (son of Mario) to keep him out of
Hillary's hair[note:  is she a real blonde or just
cuffs and collar(Bill only knows for sure(well, maybe
Janet Reno (and Donna Shalala)))].  After all, Andy
has tinkled on Rudy over the "homeless" funding making
him a great lapdog, a prerequisite for a VP.

Bush might want to be the Great Heeler and offer Veep
to McCain.  Not a bad ticket but McCain would have to
eat one helluva s***sandwich to sign on with DubYa. 
Besides, could JohnnyMc handle the ribbing the press
always gives the VP?  Heck, he'd probably be on top of
the Washington Monument with a 30-06 begging to return
to the Hanoi Hilton after a month.  Standing in the
wings is Elizabeth Dole [did you know Liddy's from
Salisbury, Nahth Caralahna?], jack boots and all. 
She's a former skool teecher[did I mention she's from
Nahth Caralahna?] and has been in in Reagan's
Cabinet[no doubt looking for some Texas Pete which is
made in Winston-Salem. did I mention she's from Nahth
Caralahna?] and was president of the Red Cross[which
rhymes with Norcross which is in Georgia, a state
contiguous with Nahth Caralahna, Liddy's home state,
did I mention that?]  Ya gotta figure with the
drillin' she got from Bob when he was testing Viagra
that she could handle the press.  Being Veep would
also let her continue being on the government
dole[note: reader insert smart-ass comment here] and
keep her out of her home state of Nahth Caralahna(did
I mention that?).

Bush might try to go for the BlackAfricanAmericanNegro
vote and pick Alan (I lost my) Keyes (and I can't get
a cab in New York) to be his running mate.  The only
problem is Keyes is just too damn smart and articulate
to be VP.  In the campaign he'd expose Gore/Bush for
the dimwits they are.  For that reason Keyes is not
the right pick for second banana [note: bigots insert
dumb-ass comment here].

Question:  What's Hairy and Brown?
Answer:  The Libertarian candidate.  The only guy
running for prez that gives a damn about you and won't
expand GovCo.  Chances of getting elected?  About as
good as Madonna's next child being a two-headed alien
bigfoot baby that looks like Elvis.