A wonderful thing happened when I was driving today! 

As I looked and signaled to get into the right lane, a truck in the right lane signaled to move left. We exchanged places as if dancers in a choreographed move. Incredible, isn’t it? Two drivers who use proper signaling techniques can move efficiently into their desired location with good feelings! 

And then I wondered if I use proper signals when communicating in my daily life. Do I frown and thus tell people to leave me alone? Do I smile and look welcoming? Do I stand with my arms crossed although I feel receptive? What am I conveying to the person who desires my attention? 

All of these actions are non-verbal cues that we use to communicate with others on an subconscious level. And we can consciously overcome the negative signals such as those waved on the highway! Often, we just need to be aware of – and reminded – what we are conveying without words. 

One of the first things that comes to mind in terms of greeting someone is the introduction and shaking of hands. A friend recently mentioned that she is appalled by how many people no longer extend the courtesy of rising from their chairs when being introduced. That is a basic element of introductions. Both should be standing. And when you shake hands, offer a firm grip that tells the other person you are confident and self-assured! 

Self-esteem and self-assurance are basics in non-verbal exchanges. When your mother taught you to stand up straight, it was not only to protect your back, but so that you present the image of someone who is secure within. When you were taught to look your father in the eye, it was not only so he could peer into your soul to see if you were telling the truth! It was a basic premise of communicating with others on a subconscious level. If you can talk to others and look them in the eye, they subconsciously believe you more readily than if you look at the floor or if your eyes flit across the room. 

If you do not use the practices of standing up straight and looking people in the eyes, let me encourage you to do so! If you have difficulty with these, try a finishing school or some self-esteem courses. These skills are integral to your success! 

In this high tech, fast-paced world, we have let go many of the courtesies that the last generation cherished. We send e-mails, we leave voice mails. Some people even complain that the more they type, the less legible their handwriting becomes. Think of the last note you got. Was it a note from your spouse tucked in your luggage to say “I love you!”? Was it a drawing from your child that has “TO: MOMMY” scrawled somewhere near the top? Are you smiling thinking about the moment you saw that extension of your loved one reaching out to you? 

Everyone needs to be acknowledged. Next time you think of someone, send a hand-written note. Thoughtful notes need not be written on monogrammed informal notes. A little card or a note on a handy piece of paper says I thought of you, and I want you to know! My first editor kept my hand-written thank you for taking the time to consider me as a reporter for months. When I finally had the nerve to ask why, he shocked me with his reply. “It’s the only one I’ve ever gotten,” he said with a sad smile. It’s the thought, not the words or the stationery. 

As you finish this article, remember the truck in traffic, the courtesies you’ve been taught and most of all, remember that the thought is much more important than the form when you are dealing with relationships! 

Beth Crosby is the president of Key Partners in Rock Hill. Her training empowers individuals, allowing them to interact with professionalism in personal and written communications. To reach her, call 803-324-5643 or e-mail beth@keypartnerscorp.com. © Key Partners

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